Homeworlds: Andy vs. Russell
PBEM Game 1, Report #2, 12/11/3

Moves 14 - 21
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Russell: Ahhh, yes, this broadcast medium your people seem so obsessed in. Rest assured that our people are not interested in your broadcast medium - in fact, given access to it, most of our people simply had to avert their gazes (after the initial shock wore off).

But we are concerned that you are already talking of war, when we have sent our finest diplomats and philosophers and scholars, to meet with you and to began the delicate negotiations that will allow our people to live in peace. Can it all be for naught? Will you kill our peaceful envoys? Why have you progressed directly to war, without passing negotiation, without collecting any diplomacy?

Scholars on Peace have worked hard and long, studying your broadcasts, and are beginning to broach the subject that perhaps not all sentient life is, shall we say, "good". And that in fact, in some cases, we might actually call some forms of sentient life, shall we say, "evil". And the most radical thinkers are proposing that your people might actually fit the latter category.

I suggest we proceed with all due caution, lest a diplomatic incident crop up that might give the more warlike of your people an excuse to demand conflict where none is needed. In fact, more and more, we are hearing claims that your people possess dangerous weapons, that are capable of mass destruction.

Can we perhaps propose some sort of limitations of travel, such that your weapons have no need of being pointed in our direction?

I'm building the last medium Blue at our shipyards on Loverly.

The people of Loverly have been so enthusiastic about our arrival that they decided to halt the constant festivals and celebrations - and look! - they have built us a brand new ship! Just like the one we arrived! Surely your people will be thrilled beyond belief when we arrive to begin our diplomatic negotiations!

Andy: Our Leader has declared that it is now necessary to gain access to the blue economy, even at the cultural cost of removing the weaponry from our original Imperial War Cruiser. In other words, I'm converting my large red to a large blue.

Russell: I trade my medium blue at Loverly for a medium yellow. We've learned that your people have decided to learn about our amazing ship transformation technology. We're happy to share this with you in exchange for your navigation technology, which we're very interested in. Hopefully this will be the start of a long and fruitful, but especially *peaceful* relationship between our two civilizations!

BTW - I think your military planners are probably rooting for me - they probably are trying to help me. Please ask them to continue their predictions - and tell them I promised them fair treatment and great mufrahs when we finally liberate them. Oh, and promise them chocolate, too - I'm sure your people aren't aware of it - and probably unknowingly crave it.

Andy: Erg... you are SO annoying! After many debates among my military planners, we have decided to stop trying to predict your actions and instead just build a new small yellow ship.

Russell: Darn. I was counting on their support! So much for my latest crazy plan... I'll have to think of something else.

Small yellow, eh? How about if I sacrifice (very Peace-fully) my large green for three builds. Naturally, they'll all be blue, so you won't have to worry about that pesky blue economy any more. (Now I bet you are *really* proud of me!)

Our people are delighted that you shared your navigation technology with us. It makes it very likely that we can visit you in the very near future! Thanks so much for doing that! We should tell you that when you prepare the festivals and feasts for our arrivals, that our people have an unnatural aversion to forks - so please don't use any of these dangerous artifacts when preparing our diplomatic meals. We do have a whole cargo hold of chocolate to share with your people - courtesy of our fans on Loverly! We're getting constant fan mail from the subjects of your government, urging us to arrive as quickly as possible. Already the Paradise black market is overrun with fake chocolate analogues - but we think your people deserve the real thing. And we aim to deliver! We think chocolate will help sooth the warlike voices in your culture, and encourage them to embrace Peace - both the planet, the people, and the concept. Doesn't that sound nice? Cookies, anyone?

Andy: Ack! Wow, I didn't see that coming! Good move!

Russell: 'tis a pleasure to surprise you - I'm glad you liked it.

Andy: I didn't say I liked it -- I said it was a good move. [Clearly, you now have the advantage, and I'm struggling to catch up. I'm actually feeling fairly doomed at the moment, but then again, one of the things I love about this game is that big turn-arounds are possible, so I'm trying to stay calm as I wait for you to make a mistake. Unfortunately, you seem to be thinking more clearly now than you were during our many games in the coffeeshops of Amsterdam...]

Anyway, after much debate, we have decided to proceed with our planned explorations.

Russell: As we said, we happily welcome you into the galaxy - and we're very glad you're leaving your weapons at home.

Andy: I'm moving a small yellow from Paradise to a new medium green planet we're naming Garden.

Russell: Awww - you discovered Garden? The people of Loverly were just telling us about it. It sounds positively pleasant. Please don't litter there - we'll be visiting shortly.

We'll sacrifice a medium blue at Loverly, and trade the large blue at Peace for a large green, and the large blue at Loverly for a large red.

The peoples of the loose confederation of Loverly/Peace have finally begun to see that the leadership of Paradise may not have our best interests in mind. Between your broadcast medias cries of "War!" against our peaceful peoples, and the pleas we've been receiving from the subjects of your government, we've decided to transition to a more defensive posture. Hence, we've decided to build our first military vessel. This was remarkably difficult, given the Peaceful nature of citizenry, but with the aid of your own scientists and a class you call "soldiers", we've been able to produce our first vessel of war. Note, however, that most of this ship has been designed to be defensive in nature. Also - you may have heard that our bakers just won the Fantastic "Cookie of the Universe" award, granted by the Intergalactic Council of Cookie Bakeries! The CotU award is exclusively granted to the civilizations who have mastered the cosmic mysteries of the Cookie - and it was a very close decision for the ICCB. For the next Mega-cycle, our cookies will be acknowledged across the intergalactic reaches as the finest cookies known to sentient space. The cargo holds of our new red ship, christened "Peace-Bringer-With-Cookies", has been filled with cases of our excellent, award winning, cookie products, held in a temporal stasis field so that when the boxes are opened, they are in fact, "out of the oven" fresh. As we arrive to visit your planets, we'll be delivering these biodegradable packages of temporally sealed cookies to your citizenry from orbit, along with carefully written notes in your languages (and pictures for your less literate populations) explaining that liberation is well nigh, and that they shouldn't resist our attempts to free them from the warlike grasp your soldiers have on your government. Please find included with this missive moving images, akin to what your people are subjected to via your broadcast media, explaining our mission and helping your people prepare for our peaceful arrival. Simply broadcast these images across your media, and our arrival will be very well received. We come in peace, and we come bearing CotU Cookies!

Andy: Sorry to be so long in responding... we've been busy removing our previous leadership (and reorganizing our government a bit while we were at it). That last guy we had running things, you know, the one you were talking to before, he was just doing such a terrible job of it that we had to get rid of him. (Did you see how he let us get tricked into wasting a turn changing our beloved original historical Imperial warship over to non-military use, while still leaving us frozen out of the blue economy?! Ugh, it's a mess.) Unfortunately, our old leader was rather intrenched (incompetent dictator-types usually are) and so we had to kind of over-throw the government a tiny bit in order to oust him. But hey, it was worth it... it's fun tearing down the statues! Anyway, we've got some much nicer people in charge now. In fact, as a symbol of our new Niceness, we're making you a gift! It's a giant wooden donkey (which is a traditional gift in our culture -- we're worried it might seem odd to you, but whatever you do, don't mock it -- that would deeply offend us) and as soon as you arrive, we'll have it ready to load onto your spaceship. (Better bring a large spaceship... it's a *large* wooden donkey.) We'd like to deliver it to you ourselves, of course, but since our fleet is much smaller than yours, we can't manage it just now. Speaking of fleets, we're stopping work briefly on the giant wooden donkey (we only have the back piece finished so far) while we build a small yellow ship at our new shipyards in orbit around Garden.

By the way, don't bother visiting Garden... we've already totally messed the place up! You wouldn't want to come here anyway, trust me... it's way over-rated, the food is terrible (and WAY too expensive) and they don't even have cable!

First Move of the Game
Andy:1:Homeworld (LGSB, lr)
Russell:2:Homeworld (MYSB, lg) Name (MYSB, "Peace")
Andy:3:Construct (LGSB, sr)
Russell:4:Construct (Peace, sg)
Andy:5:Trade (MYSB,sr,sg) Name (MYSB, "Paradise")
Russell:6:Trade (Peace, sg,sb)
Andy:7:Construct (Paradise, sr)
Russell:8:Construct (Peace, sg
Andy:9:Trade (MYSB,sr,sy)
Russell:10:Construct (Peace, mb)
Andy:11:Discover (Paradise, sg, MB) Name (MB, "Cobalt")
Russell:12:Discover (Peace, mb, LG) Name (LG, "Loverly")
Andy:13:Construct (Paradise, sr)
Andy:15:Trade (Paradise,lr,lb)
Russell:16:Trade (Loverly,mb,my)
Andy:17:Construct (Paradise, sy)
Russell:18:Sacrifice (Peace, lg): Construct (Loverly, mb); Construct (Loverly, lb); Construct (Peace, lb) Andy:19:Discover (Paradise, sy, MG) Name (MG, "Garden")
Russell:20:Sacrifice (Loverly, mb): Trade (Loverly, lb,lr); Trade (Peace, lb, lg)
Andy:21:Construct (Garden, sy)

Copyright © 2003 by Andrew Looney.

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