Problem Child

By Amy Chused and Charles Dickson

Page 10

  Scene: Jiapa is walking worriedly down a corridor, glancing down 
  connecting hallways as she goes. Suddenly she stops, looks up, 
  and her finger shoots up in the air.
  Jiapa: Aha! Pandora, please give me the LAST RECORDED location 
  for Bloocheez Lite.
  Computer: Lite was last aboard ship in the transporter room.
  Jiapa: Now we're getting somewhere! (breaks into a run for the 
  transporter room)
  Transporter Operator looks up startled as Jiapa enters. 
  Jiapa: You! Did you see the HVR kid come in here?
  Transporter Operator: (Trying to compose himself with a clever 
  look on his face.) Why yes, he did come in here.
  Jiapa: You were here? What happened?
  Transporter Operator: That kid is quite a terror, you know. He 
  knocked me down and tried to ride on my back, and he had these 
  silly spurs...
  Jiapa: What? Did you do something to him?
  Transporter Operator: Well, I to defend myself, you know...
  Jiapa: Did you beam him somewhere?
  Transporter Operator: Well, it was just in service to the ship! 
  That kid...
  Jiapa: (paling) You didn't beam him out into space, did you?
  Transporter Operator: Oh no! I beamed him over to the HVR ship! 
  Where he'll be no tribble at all! (beams)
  Jiapa cracks him on the head with her staff.
  Jiapa: I am not amused. Get him over here NOW!
  Transporter Operator: (simpering over to the console) Jeez... 
  (after looking at the instruments for a second) Uh oh. I'm not 
  reading him over there.
  Jiapa: WHAT??!!!
  Scribonia (ic): Counselor, We just picked up transporter 
  activity from the HVR ship. Lite is now locatable on the 
  Jiapa (hits ic): Thanks! Alert security and have them capture 
  Scene: Sickbay. Dr. Hertzman is sitting at a desk in the outer 
  office. There is a commotion and Redshirt staggers out followed 
  by a nurse who is apparently helping him along.
  Hertzman: Well! You're finally up. About ready to return to 
  CrimsonTunic appears, pulling himself along the doorway behind 
  Redshirt: Yeah...I don't remember much about what happened on 
  the ship...
  Hertzman: Yeah, well I decided to treat your localized amnesia 
  with drugs since you guys aren't high enough priority for the 
  field manipulator. Don't worry, it will all come back by 
  Redshirt: Ok, well, could you tell me, uh us how we died?
  Hertzman: Died? You didn't die! You both got hit on the head! 
  Really! You two!
  Redshirt: Ah yes, yes. Hit on the head you say? Ok. Uh, well, 
  we have just one more teeny little question, if you don't mind...
  Hertzman: (Through gritted teeth) Yes, what is it?
  CrimsonTunic: Which one of us got hit on the head first?
  Scene: Lite is sneaking down a corridor on the Heisenberg.  
  Stealthily rounding a corridor he collides with the left leg of 
  the ship's barbarian.
  Sound Effects: wood knocker hit. Thud.
  Lite: (sitting on the floor) Whoa! Wha' hit me?
  Thokk: I was just asking myself the same question, little one. 
  (Rustles around in his bearskin tunic, producing a folded piece 
  of computer hardcopy with a picture on it) Aha! I thought I 
  recognized you.
  Lite:  Uh oh. That's not usually a good sign. (points over 
  Thokk's Shoulder) Look! A moose!
  Thokk: What? Moose not silly enough to be on this ship! (Looks 
  for a second, then turns back around to see Lite tearing off down 
  the corridor)  Clever boy! ...Grrrrrrraaaauuugggghhhhh! (Tenses, 
  then leaps the distance between them, bringing Lite down in a 
  rolling tackle. As the dust clears, he stands up victoriously 
  with Lite over one shoulder.) 
  Thokk: Gotcha! You're going to the library, young man!

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