Problem Child

By Amy Chused and Charles Dickson

Page 15

  The Child-like Wonder and the Insecurity Officer stride down the 
  corridors of the Heisenburg, Lite over the Child-like Wonder's 
  shoulder. Lite is kicking and screaming "LET ME GO!", but to no 
  effect. They come across Guillaume, Stoops, and Kendragon.
  Child-like Wonder: Good Afternoon, folks.
  Guillaume: Oh good! You caught him! Are you taking him to the 
  Commander's office?
  Insecurity Officer: (insecurely) Well...yes. We already called 
  to say we're bringing him.
  Stoops:  Great! We want to come along. To see what happens
  Kendragon:  And tell Scribonia about him shredding important 
  papers! (She still carries the pile of sheet music scraps.)
  Child-like Wonder: Well come along then!
  yaz and Metag are standing outside yaz's door. 
  yaz: You really don't have to apologize...I guess...
  Metag: Yeah, but I'm still sorry I told him about your quarters. 
  He must have really destroyed your puzzle.
  yaz: Among other things.
  Metag: Yeah, I think he's much more dangerous than anybody 
  suspects.  But do you think he's a spy?
  yaz: He almost blew up engineering! If that doesn't qualify as 
  sabotage I don't know what does! I think they left him behind to 
  do as much damage as he could. Being a kid is perfect cover for 
  a saboteur!
  Around a bend come the Insecurity Officer, Head Librarian 
  Guillaume, Chief Music Coordinator Stoops, Ship's Gerbil 
  Kendragon, and the Child-like Wonder carrying Lite, who is still 
  Stoops: (Bouncily) Look who WE'VE got!
  Metag plugs his ears to block out Lite's deafening shouts, and 
  the crowd passes by. yaz looks like he is suppressing murderous 
  urges. After they are a few feet away down the hall...
  Metag: Well I suppose we should go along, if nothing else just 
  to make sure Scribonia knows what a terror that kid is.
  yaz: Okay. Let's catch up.
  Transporter Operator, finally through with The Shift From Hell, 
  emerges tiredly from the transporter room, right into the passing 
  Transporter Operator: Whoa! What's this, a lynch mob?
  yaz: I wish.
  Transporter Operator: Hey, if you're taking him to Scribonia's, 
  I've got a bone to pick too! Wait up!
  Scene: The corridor outside of Ten-Forward. The door to the bar 
  slides open...and Redshirt and CrimsonTunic come crawling out.
  Redshirt: Oh, man! Theesh lights are soooo bright!
  CrimsonTunic: Oh yeah... Redshit old buddy, I hope you know how 
  to get back to our room!  
  Redshirt: Have no fear old pal! I know it's around here 
  somewhere...(starts hunting around the carpet) Oh No!
  CrimsonTunic: What?
  Redshirt: Oh No! This is terrible!
  CrimsonTunic: What? What is it?
  Redshirt: We're under attack! Look! The hall is rocking back 
  and forth! We're getting creamed! Red Alert! (tries to get up)
  CrimsonTunic: No, no, wait! It's you! You're rocking back and 
  forth! Come back down here!
  Redshirt: Oh! Oh yeah! (sinks back down) That's much better. 
  You know, I can't remember.
  CrimsonTunic: What?
  Redshirt: Which one of ush got killed first. Did I buy you 
  drinks or did you buy me drinks?
  CrimsonTunic: Hit.
  Redshirt: What?
  CrimsonTunic: On the head.
  Redshirt: Oh yeah...Look, a bunch of people! I hope there 
  aren't any officers with them.
  All of the people carrying Lite try to step over the inebriated 
  pair, with partial success. Lite has now switched to pleading.
  Redshirt: Aieee! It's him!
  CrimsonTunic: Who?
  Redshirt: The guy who killed us!
  CrimsonTunic: Run away!
  Redshirt: No! After him!
  CrimsonTunic: After you! (giggles)
  They pull themselves up and go stumbling after the crowd.

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