Problem Child

By Amy Chused and Charles Dickson

Page 8

  Scene: Transporter Room. Transporter Operator is slouching 
  against the console, bored out of his skull. That is, until the 
  doors whoosh open unexpectedly.
  Lite: Hi pardner! You'll play with me, right?
  Transporter Operator: AAAAAAGH!  You!  Get away from me you 
  little monster!
  Lite: Alright! Finally some respect! (to Transporter 
  Operator:) What's the matter dude? Afraid of a little kid?
  Transporter Operator: What, me afraid? You bet! You just stay 
  over there and everything will be just fine! (Runs to put the 
  console between him and Lite.) How about if we get some nice 
  security people down here to play with you? 
  Lite: I wanna play with YOU!  (Runs around the console at 
  Transporter Operator, tackling him in a tangle of arms and legs)
  Sound effects: Ooof! Thud! Crunch!
  Transporter Operator: Yaaaa! Jeez kid! Those spurs are sharp! 
  (Gets up and runs to the other side of the console, holding his 
  Lite: Yeah! What a great idea! I can play horsy with you!
  Transporter Operator: Oh, (pant! pant!) you want to play 
  horsy? Well, come on over then little tyke. You get one ride on 
  uncle Transporter Operator's back. (Kneels down)
  Lite: Oh Boy! (runs around and climbs on. Transporter Operator 
  stands up suddenly) Whoa! Hey bean-brains! This isn't supposed 
  to be a bucking bronco ride! Yaaaa! 
  Transporter Operator does an expert pinwheel-backflip and throws 
  Lite across the room.
  Transporter Operator: Ha! Thought you got me didn't you! Well 
  I'm gonna send you where you are going to bother anybody again! 
  (Stabs a button on the console, and Lite, who conveniently landed 
  on the transporter pad, melts away in the glow of the transporter 
  Scene: Hallway. Jiapa is walking tiredly down a hallway, and is 
  joined by Scribonia, who comes out of a crew lounge.
  Scribonia: Hi! Having any luck finding the kid?
  Jiapa: Ha! He's gotta have rockets on his boots! Every time I 
  get the computer to locate him, by the time I get there he's gone 
  Scribonia: Well, the first sign you get that he's causing 
  trouble, call security. I'm not sure I like him running loose on 
  the ship; I mean, he is a Hidden Valley Rancher you know.
  Jiapa: What, Lite? He's just a kid. He just seems to be real 
  hyperactive, that's all. Well, he's supposed to be around here 
  somewhere. (to ic:) Computer, locate Bloocheez Lite!
  Computer: Bloocheez Lite is not on the Heisenberg.
  Jiapa and Scribonia look at each other.
  Jiapa: Uh oh.

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